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enismirdal...who have already received and read the e-mail from our esteemed Mistress Samwise. But this amused me, so I thought I'd share it with the world. Or at least a fraction of it.
ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen
nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the
counter. You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was
the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
TWO The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a
couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Asda with just a
few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to
mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash
register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider"
looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding
the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."
She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue as
to what had just happened.
THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy
drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she
was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept
asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do
you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door
unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this
remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you
drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE Several years ago, we had an junior who was none too swift. One day
she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of
typing paper. "What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the
junior took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was
towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of
repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in " Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had
set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
(This sounds suspeciously like a previous winner of the annual Stella
Awards - I wonder if the two are connected?)
SEVEN My neighbour works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have
problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in
one of the branch banks who had this question: I've got smoke coming
from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire at head office?"
EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing
a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police
pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't
telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
confessed.
ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen
nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the
counter. You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was
the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
TWO The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a
couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Asda with just a
few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to
mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash
register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider"
looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding
the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."
She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue as
to what had just happened.
THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy
drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she
was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept
asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do
you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door
unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this
remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you
drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE Several years ago, we had an junior who was none too swift. One day
she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of
typing paper. "What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the
junior took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was
towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of
repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in " Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had
set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
(This sounds suspeciously like a previous winner of the annual Stella
Awards - I wonder if the two are connected?)
SEVEN My neighbour works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have
problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in
one of the branch banks who had this question: I've got smoke coming
from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire at head office?"
EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing
a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police
pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't
telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
confessed.
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no subject
Date: 21 Apr 2004 12:44 (UTC)no subject
Date: 21 Apr 2004 14:11 (UTC)Our electric key doobah has a 'real' key which will open the door but not start the engine... you are recomended to keep spare batteries in the car so that if the battery runs out you use the real key to get into the car and then change the battery.
no subject
Date: 21 Apr 2004 16:57 (UTC)Although I have to admit, I am guilty of trying to push the "pull" door.
no subject
Date: 21 Apr 2004 20:56 (UTC)no subject
Date: 22 Apr 2004 01:58 (UTC)Actually, isn't that a Far Side comic? I think I've seen it before. :)
no subject
Date: 21 Apr 2004 18:46 (UTC)